I am 31 weeks pregnant. After a week of being sick with a stomach bug for 3 days that forced me to be in bed for 2 days straight and that led to many emotions and reflection, I decided posting about the importance of stillness was something that inspired me.
When I began yoga in college, I was craving a quiet place to listen and feel. I love movement. In fact, it is something I work on every day finding the balance of movement with stillness. That specific level of balance is different for everyone and that level of balance changes throughout the course of our lifetime because we all have different seasons. Seasons that are extremely academic, seasons that are motivated by getting outdoors and exercising our body, seasons when we may need to take care of others in our family…being pregnant, going through a loss, all of these moments change our balance.
After about 4 different types of classes, I passionately chose Ashtanga yoga for the rest of my 4 years at college and beyond. It was one of the best decisions I ever made. It helped balance my commitment to studying Psychology and Business, it helped me remain calm during some intense training for triathlons, and most of all it gave me a place where I could completely open up with my emotions….very few times in my life up till that point had I felt comfortable being completely open. Or maybe it was that my life circumstances did not give me the opportunity to be that open. Either way, yoga was the greatest gift I could ever imagine at the age of 18.
This pregnancy has been difficult for me to find balance. It has been a challenge for me to stop and reflect. I have been hyper focused on cleaning, organizing, preparing, exercising, taking care of a toddler, spending time with my husband, and within it all missing my Dad on such a deep level that by the time I got sick with the stomach bug, I was not just exhausted, I felt totally worn out. Balance is a journey. Being a woman, a mother, a wife, a daughter….all of it is a journey that at the core is a journey of vulnerability.
One of my favorite quotes by Brene Brown states: “Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity. It is the source of hope, empathy, accountability, and authenticity. If we want greater clarity in our purpose or deeper and more meaningful spiritual lives, vulnerability is the path.”― Brené Brown,
I have been doing yoga every day for the past couple of weeks because I knew I needed to find the courage to be more vulnerable. I knew I needed some clarity after such intense feelings of being overwhelmed and very importantly, I knew I needed to be vulnerable for my 2 and 1/2 year old son and my son to be in a couple of months. My path as a mother is ever changing.
There have been times on the mat in the morning when I felt like my 18 year old self again, desperately craving stillness within movement. And this morning on my mat, I smiled because everything is a journey and this baby boy inside of me is one of the most courageous things I have done. My body has opened up more and more each day on the mat and I will continue every day into labor because our passions, which are gifts in so many ways, teach us what we need to learn if we listen. Stillness is not just valuable, it is essential. Conscious movement intermixed with stillness is my favorite which is a main reason I love Yoga. I have enjoyed the past few days, recovering, reflecting, rejuvenating and spending time off social media. Breaks are important. They open us up to something different. Something that maybe originally scared us but now seems very welcoming.
Grateful for it all, always and forever. And truly, truly, truly blessed with my journey thus far.